THE UNEMPLOYMENT CHRONICLES
My Daily Life in Unemployment
Episode I: The lessons of daytime TV shows.
Since my recent emancipation from wage earning slave, I have discovered the joys of having control of my own time and being home in daylight hours. I have also discovered that having no income really puts a crimp in what one is able to do with their time while being home in daylight hours. So I watch a lot of daytime TV – over the antenna, because I can’t afford cable or satellite.
I won’t watch talk shows, soap operas or any “reality” shows since I had enough of hearing people complain and yell at each other while at the job. Instead I watch old TV shows that were popular when I was a child. It is very interesting to see the shows from the perspective of my older self and a changed cultural climate. The older shows all have a subliminal moral lesson which I never noticed as a young viewer, but now I see how they reflected/formed our views of the world. The overall theme is that men and women have different roles but looking good and getting a good cup of coffee are the most important aspects of life for everyone.
First of all are the old westerns like “Bonanza”, “The Big Valley”, and “Gunsmoke”. These teach us the Great American Dream even though they are all set in brown, dried up deserts. No matter if the ranch is in Nevada, Kansas or Northern California, the landscape is always the same: burned up, dry, brown, dusty and bare rocks. God knows what those cattle ate because everything is in perpetual drought. But the men are tall, strong and good shots and have built up huge estates through hard work. They were so successful that they could tell the Sheriff “you go take the posse out to the south side and I’ll go north.” The Sheriff does not ask, “Who is in charge here?” No, he meekly answers “OK, Ben.” The only sheriff who does not obey the rich rancher is Marshall Dillon on “Gunsmoke”. But that might be because he IS the big man in town and he makes his own coffee.
Anyway, men are able to run a 5,000 acre ranch by spending their time in bars playing poker and drinking. They then go off to defend the town by riding around on horses and shooting bank robbers and other bad people. Then they go back to get a drink, play more poker and worry about how the cattle are going to survive the drought. The lesson we learn is that Crime Does Not Pay. No matter how sympathetic the villain, the bad guy always gets jail, hanging or shot and killed before he can come to trial. Usually, shot and killed because shoot-outs are exciting and trials are boring. Perry Mason would not have survived in the Wild West.
Women in the Old West all have hair that stays in place no matter what they are doing, although I suppose it helps that what they are usually doing is making coffee. Neither wind nor dust will shake one strand of hair out of place. Look at beautiful Audra Barkley, the daughter of the family in “The Big Valley”. She gets a mail sack pulled over her head and her hair doesn’t get messed up. She gets pushed down a hill and gets covered in dust and dirt but her perfect curls are all in place. My hair can’t stay in place while walking from the bathroom to the kitchen. And women did not hide their perfect hair under a big hat to keep their hair in place or the sun off their skin. No, if they did wear a hat it was a tiny little thing that sat atop their perfectly coifed hair and served no purpose other than to match their dresses. The lesson is that women are beautiful and make good coffee.
Next on the afternoon TV schedule come the police shows – “Kojak” and “The Rockford Files”. The world has changed a lot by this time. No more burned up, drought stricken wide open spaces. Now it is burned up, drought stricken urban decay, congested cities, with smog and heat and car chases and drug addicts. The police fight the bad guys and are never too overworked to spend four days on a single case, but the major difference from the westerns is that the bad guys will sometimes win. The lesson here is that armed vigilante ranchers keep better order than police because they are not hampered by the court system.
The women in police shows still have perfect hair but are no longer occupied with making coffee. They are either drug addicted hookers, gangster molls, grieving widows or murder victims. Sometimes all of the above. I think the lesson here is that women should wear tiny hats and make coffee and stay out of congested cities or they will have a miserable life and come to a bad end.
The afternoon lineup of TV re-runs conclues with sit-coms: “ Mary Tyler Moore” and “Dick Van Dyke”. In this world there are no good guys or bad guys. Everyone is lovable and entertaining. Women have come into their own – they hold jobs and have sex. Men are not too smart and can’t shoot or do much of anything. But they are still a sought after prize. Even though women are now the main characters, their overriding aim of life is to get married. And being an attractive woman is more important than any job. The lesson is: if you don’t get a husband, you can settle for a career as long as you dress well and get a manicure every week. And make good coffee but you don’t need to wear a tiny little hat.
Because I don’t have a husband, I got a manicure and will go practice my coffee making skills.
Mary MacAdam broke free of corporate chains in December, 2011 to fire up her freelance career. Originally from Crestline and currently residing in Milwaukee, she holds a journalism degree from Marquette University. Follow her journey at http://thephrogghollowstagnant.blogspot.com
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