In Other News....by Tedd Vail

 

Police questioned Chagy Von Gestenchu last night while she was found wandering a farm near Galion with a bag full of Beanie Babies and expired coupons for hair loss products that, by all accounts really don’t work anyway. She had a rather short tape measure and was doing a feasibility study on building a new Irritable Bowel Syndrome Museum on the land. During questioning she became quite agitated and emotional as she spoke of her mission. Apparently the previous location had to be closed due to changing climate concerns, wind direction and percolation tests.

She was wearing barn boots a rain coat and a very nice scarf though the scarf did not match her raincoat it was still a very nice scarf, but then rain coats rarely need to match other clothes in that they really are utilitarian and not so much a fashionable accessory. I have a rain coat myself but chose not to wear it late last night. I can’t remember why but if I had worn it I’m sure I would have not worn that scarf no matter how very nice it was. It simply did not match. Now if I had a sweater …But I regress…digress… or is it digest?

Given the volatility of the situation and the late hour involved it just seemed best to let her continue her surveying. The obvious benefits for the town will be mainly in the abundance of janitorial jobs. All the while talking to the police she had a rapturous look on her face that can only be described as a rapturous look on her face.

The previous location for the IBS museum was mysteriously burned to the ground in a suburb of Scranton, Czechoslovakia. Apparently town folks, in spite of having been given seasons passes and a discount at the “Please, It’s an Emergency” cafe, took it upon themselves to light a match and so they did. No one anticipated the fire. Few do in Scranton when they light matches.  Scranton has no Haz-Mat team so the area has been taped off with that neat yellow tape the police use at crime scenes though it must be pointed out that other than the unfortunate incident with the match there really was no crime.

Ms. Gestenchu did finish her work without further ado and was last seen walking along the edge of the road toward Shelby with a small zip lock bag of dirt she said was needed for a percolation test. Her tape measure would not retract and was dragging along the road behind her. All efforts to help her further were to no ultimate use. Given the urgency of the look on her face this reporter deemed it pure wisdom to get out of her way and stay up wind.

As far as we know at this time there is no video record of these happenings but I will bet we haven’t heard the last of this fascinating lady and her strange quest. She did leave me with a coupon and a promise to be the first reporter on the scene of the ground breaking where ever it might eventually be held. I am holding my breath. The coupon is expired as I said before and though I would have liked one of the Beanie Babies no offer was forth coming and my manners as a gentleman kept me from asking for one more than a few times.  Someone should tell her about that scarf.

I’ll keep you all posted on further developments…If you’re still reading this, you really need a hobby folks…In other news…

Tedd Vail is a school bus driver  and a poet. He has several Cds recorded. He also plays Santa Claus on the side. He is a very nice guy, strong as an ox and almost twice as smart